— Elizabeth Tai (@liztai) September 14, 2015
Okay, maybe I'm being overdramatic, but things are very blah in Malaysia right now. A thick blanket of choking ash from Indonesia has covered cities like Kuala Lumpur and Subang Jaya (where I live). The sky is literally grey and there is no fresh air at all. In fact, the pollution is at such unhealthy levels that school has been called off today (thank goodness. Wish we workers had the same privilege!).
And if that's not bad enough, there is a rally planned tomorrow with distinctly racist overtones. Ironically, it's on Malaysia Day, a day where we're supposed to celebrate my country's founding.
On the personal front, after just a few days of relatively good health, I get slammed by a cold, and then discovered yet another health problem that will probably take months to heal. I'm starting to feel the bite of my mortality and age more than usual, and it's leaving me cold.
In the midst of all this, my dreams seem very far away. How does one pursue one's dreams when there are so many fires to put out?
And I wonder how people like Michelle Cushatt do it. I mean, how do you pick yourself up after having to face cancer twice?
How do you continue speaking positively in people's lives day after day when you can't even figure out your own?
I had a conversation with a dear friend the other day about my many fears and she reminded me that I cannot wait for life to get perfect or even the way I want it to be before I embrace my calling.
We have to do what we can in the midst of the chaos and insanity. Write 50 words instead of 500. Read a paragraph instead of a chapter. Just a little bit will get us there.
Meanwhile, I'll take my eyes off the storm and focus on something higher than it all: That life is more than our ambitions and goals, that life is more mysterious than we think. That, although the way or destination isn't clear to me right now, I'm open to discover it bit by bit.
What do you do when you have a dream but haven't got life figured out?