Okay, seriously, big hit in South Korea or not, the person who wrote the script has to be shot, quartered and burnt. I thought I’ve heard some bad scripts, but D-Wars has got to be the absolutely worst script I’ve ever had the misfortune of listening to/watching.
I mean, how badly can you mess up a story about dragons attacking Los Angeles, right? Apparently, a lot of ways.
It’s not that the characters say stupid things (They do. A lot), but what gets my goat is how illogical their actions are. Take this example: At the start of the movie our heroine is locked up in the hospital. For what? Because she is being quarantined for having a weird mark on her shoulder. Okay! Maybe I’m no expert, and the only thing I know about hospital policy is from what I see on House and Grey’s Anatomy, but hospitals in the sane world do not quarantine people just because they have a strange birthmark. And even if it was a cause for concern, she can’t be held against her will like some stark raving lunatic who will go on a killing spree unless locked behind bars.
And then there’s this journalist (Jason Behr, why oh why did you say yes to this role)? And I know a good deal about being one, so I have to shake him and ask him how in the world does he think a 19-year-old girl named Sarah has anything to do with a crater in Los Angeles? Oh wait, based on some tale an old geezer tells him. Great investigative journailsm, man.
It’s downright stupid.
I truly should’ve listened to the reviewers who poured oil and lit the movie on fire and called it a disaster. I honestly thought that I could overlook its flaws and just enjoy the dragon ride. I mean, the trailer looked good and a New York Times reviewer even liked it. Plus, I love seeing cities destroyed in a grand way. But what if you can’t even make it that far?
Yes, I gave up quarter way because it was so awful I couldn’t torture my brain cells any further. The only other show I’ve done that is the godawful Earthsea miniseries. (I lasted 5 minutes with that one. With this … okay, I lasted 20. I wanted to see dragons, okay?)
Really. If you like dragons and can bear the shitty dialogue and plot, go ahead. Or else, and I can’t emphasise this strongly enough: Avoid at all costs!
(Rating: 0.5. At least the dragons looked interesting)